Laura

RE: Two-Faced

Image by Kevin

A word on mental illness-

I sometimes like to leave my writing and thoughts “as is” for others to interpret in the many ways it often can be at times, as sometimes things may have multiple meanings, and even with an explanation, it probably still can have many (riddle-like, enigmatic) meanings depending on how deep you really want to go.

However, this time I feel the need to break it down, for whatever reason, so I’m going to follow my intuition.

I tried to write this poem from the perspective of many different mental illnesses. As most of you know, I’ve spent a lot of time in psychiatric nursing and have seen many different cases of mild to severe mental illness.

Some of the words appear repeating, themes may seem like they occur over and over again (lies, this is the end) because this is representative of intrusive thoughts which are often co-occurring with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive type disorders. Are there multiple/dissociative personalities/identities, could the person really be an antisocial personality disorder (what many may know more informally as a psychopath or sociopath) or are they a paranoid schizophrenic? (hearing voices, possibly playing into delusions and persecutions)

I’m not here to diagnose anyone personally, or even to write a diagnosis for a fictional character, but I wanted to showcase that mental illness has many different faces, seen and unseen.

The scariest of all – is the mental illness that’s played up for attention or to gain sympathy. Worn as a badge of honor at times to make excuses for every single bad thing that’s ever happened a person, or to place blame upon others, anyone but themselves (narcissism).

But then again, that’s still a mental illness, isn’t it?

However, there is still much stigma attached to such and it can go even darker and deeper, which I won’t delve into here as lots of that talks about topics that could be triggering or brings up unwanted trauma.

You never fully know who you may be telling your secrets to, who you’re standing next to, whom you’ve chosen to have a relationship with, who that CEO/actor/politician really is, as so many people walk around suffering daily, unknown to them and others.

I myself am a sufferer of mental illness – which stems from depression, anxiety, insomnia, and past traumatic experiences.

As many of us are, and will continue to be.

Thankfully, I’ve healed from a lot of my issues, but healing and work on self is always ongoing.

Especially to nurture love and relationships around you, personally in your life, and to be a better person, to feel better overall.

It is important to recognize, but it is never anyone else’s responsibility to make you whole – that lies within you.

I hope you understand, and I hope you feel heard, seen, felt, validated, and whatever else it is you need.

Take care.

41 comments

  2. Spoken from a true and pure heart, Laura ❤ … Your care for others and all beings shines through your beautiful words. Always. You are a natural healer with art, poetry, storytelling, charm, divine perception, humor, suave, and gorgeousness! Grateful for your exquisite energy! 🙂

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    • Awwww ❤️!! That means so much coming from you, the story-teller extraordinaire, with your beautiful and light soul! Always enchanting us with your wonderful words and your fantastic visuals! I hope to find that winter house and soar along the cooler skies with you, and then go for a dip in the moonlit ocean! 🌊 🌙 haha! That would be superb. I just have to remember not to breathe any fire 🔥 lest it ruins the cool weather! 🐉 🐉 forever and ever! 😊

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      • This is why you are so awesome! I too have mental illness that runs strong in my family … after years of my head in books to find a solution, diagnosis, remedy, spell, pill, concoction, spin around three times spit and curse, a bunch of useless and useful knowledge, some sacred … and to quote Socrates … All I know, is that I know nothing. So, I must be right ~ LOL Oh and extreme sarcasm helps, true friends that make you laugh at them and yourself, and those “God” moments with pets, nature, love make this whole crazy go around a blast or not. It’s love like yours that maketh the world better! 🙂 Thank you !!!!!

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      • Very true, we all know nothing and still have so much to learn. That’s absolutely right, it’s those beautiful moments that allow us to know there’s something “more” out there, and those nature moments and unconditional love with laughter always serve us best. ❤️ and thank you, your beautiful words and kindness to me mean more than you could ever know! 😊

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  4. This was a Powerful reminder of the importance of recognizing and validating our own experiences while also being compassionate towards others. Your message is a powerful call for understanding and self-care.

    Thank you for sharing. Take care and continue to share your voice—it’s making a difference.

    Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.

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  6. Excellent follow up and expansion on your original theme, Laura. There are so many facets and offshoots of mental illness that we sometimes don’t even think about. Top flight indeed. 👏👏👏

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  9. A lot has already been said, but it’s so great of you to highlight different forms of mental illnesses and recognize that recovery from all personal traumas is a long journey to healing and improvement. Thank you for this valuable post Laura 🙏

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    • Thanks so much, Chris! 🙏 very glad some of that is brought to light, healing is often hard but it’s necessary to move forward in life, and I think our brains try to process that as much as possible, “to become whole” again – even in dreams which is so important , as well.

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  10. As someone with DID, I am questioned often. Or ignored, though the result is the same. People accept depression, they accept OCD, they accept schizophrenia. But DID? Oh, no, I must be making it up. As if I am compensated in any way for being this mess.

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    • I am fascinated by Dissociative Identity Disorder and I know there are soooo many facets to it. I remember when I was younger reading “When Rabbit Howls” by truddi chase and that novel still haunts me to this day. I don’t think you are making it up at all. The mind is a beautiful thing and it is a way of compartmentalizing and coping and trying to heal trauma. We have a long way to go, yes, but the only way to make people recognize and understand is to keep talking about it, if we can 🙏 thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot to me, Tash.

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  11. There are silver linings to not reading everything you post right away, as comments sections become more rich over time. For me this part made me pause the longest:

    >>The scariest of all – is the mental illness that’s played up for attention or to gain sympathy. Worn as a badge of honor at times to make excuses for every single bad thing that’s ever happened a person, or to place blame upon others, anyone but themselves (narcissism).

    But then again, that’s still a mental illness, isn’t it?<<

    This is core to what I grapple with all the time, because my grandfather shot down every attempt at my trying to talk to him about issues with my mother as her having a mental illness. And I would feel like "Fine, but then why didn't anyone intervene?" So the illness was used to excuse behaviors, at the expense of my and my sister's safety. Later, it's a matter of forgiving or not, but for me it isn't. It's a matter of being able to talk about things honestly, taking responsibility, and including the illness in that. My working to come to terms with trauma (as you describe, in itself within the same category), is as important as the illnesses that set the stage for those traumatic things to happen.

    Anyway, too long and probably TMI of a comment, but I get this. Thank you.

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    • I know ☹️ I feel you on the illness used to make excuses for bad behaviors and just allowing it to continue over and over again in a cycle. I have a lot of sympathy for mental illness of course, but as soon as I start to see that crop up in anyone near me, friend, coworker, intimate relationship, etc I cut that out right away from all the years I had to deal with it. It really triggers something strong in you to not want to have to deal with it ever again, unless of course that person gets help. The whole “I’m sorry, I overreacted, now let’s be friends again” doesn’t bode well for me, it takes years of healing to come back from that. Thank you for sharing ❤️ not TMI at all and always happy to talk to you about it 😊

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      • Understand entirely. All you’ve learned is reason enough to trust your instincts, and that’s the main thing. I agree about getting help, if it is really getting help. My therapist is always trying to get me to be more gentle with myself, but one of the reasons I’m careful about making excuses is this dynamic. It’s unfortunately very easy to filter out constructive criticism and then use one’s therapy. Too many slippery slopes. Floor is lava. hahah

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      • That’s true, I get it. You don’t wanna be too hard on yourself, I’m always getting told to “give myself a break” and sometimes it is needed, but the self-awareness speaks volumes at times and I think makes for a better and more well-rounded person which you need to be instead of just excusing it, sometimes. Not “you” personally but others. I hate the defeated “well I have this, so I can’t work around it in any other fashion” but it’s hard and I get that. Floor is lava!!! Haha 😆 that made me laugh. It is indeed a fine line. And I do think instincts play a lot into it, if they’re telling you to RUN, well, you should probably listen lol 😆

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  14. Hey Laura sorry for being MIA. I’ve been overworking myself to (help?) deal with some of my own things I have to face. This is a powerful post of yours. And the one about your parents bad behaviors. Mine were not bad in any way, just human, but boy am I missing one of them right now. Anyway-hope I find you well. I must return to writing. It’s very therapeutic for me, and I need it. Thanks for looking out. Makes me feel happy😃.

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    • Ahhh I hope you find whatever it is you need at this time! And thank you 😊 always so much appreciative of your kind words! So sorry to hear about missing one of your parents, I hope you find peace with that soon 🙏 and healing. I am well, thank you, just going through a transitional period it seems. 😊 happy to hear from you!

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